Points of failure: Driving in the wrong direction

In November I had a five-thousand-pound failure.

Over two years ago I started a small transportation business; renting out a van to musicians. After a successful first year, I scaled to two vehicles earlier this spring. Already working a full-time job, this growing side gig meant transferring hours from the time I had to write and make music, onto business. 

Here it comes! I thought, my road to financial independence!

Halfway through year two, one of my vehicles became undrivable. I don’t know much about cars, and don’t particularly care for them either, but suddenly every hour outside of my job became occupied with trying to fix one.

• I Spent dozens of hours doing research on the issue.

• I visited nine different mechanics over the course of months.

• I Wasted thousands of dollars trying to fix it.

And nothing… 

My motivation soured after six straight months of failed repairs. Frustrated, I read back my life goals from a journal entry; to live an independent, and artistically creative and fulfilling life of adventure.

I’d fallen out of alignment. 

As I was ruminating on what to do, I went to see a friend play at a music festival. He was sleep deprived from an overnight flight, had been gone from his home for over a month, and while on the road, had gotten stranded by van issues of his own.

        “You holding up alright?” I asked him,

        “I’m fine. These are the problems I chose.” he replied, and walked onto the stage.

That same week I decided to cut my losses. I sold the van, having to pay the difference I owed out of pocket, on top of all the money spent on repair attempts.

Now with hindsight, I’m choosing to view this as an expensive course where I learned important lessons:  

• Face the pain. I stalled for months, afraid to lose my investment and my “business owner” status. It would’ve reduced the overall pain if I’d chosen to take the hit earlier.

• Choose the right problems. Every road has obstacles. Before I start anything, my question needs to be how much am I willing to suffer for this?.

• Stay in alignment. If my ultimate goal is to live a remote, creative life, why was I tying myself down to a physical asset that required my presence? 

Most of all, it helped me become aware of my patterns.I took stock and saw how I’ve started dozens of side-gigs while having a full-time job, and also pursuing my passions. Wanting to go all-in, but not going all-in, is like having one foot on the gas and one on the brake. 

You feel secure but you’re going nowhere. 

The day I sold the van, I brought the license plate home and hung it on my wall. I took a sharpie to it and wrote a reminder to myself:

“Always drive in the right direction”