Week #22: Grace
- 1 day ago
- 2 min read
I spent the week with death on my mind.
A distant cousin of mine was found dead on Tuesday at just 38 years old. His is the most tragic childhood I’ve ever known about— As a kid, he saw both his parents die before his eyes. Both under horrible circumstances.
He once told me about witnessing their deaths. How those memories were demons he carried. We hadn’t spoken in a long time. But throughout the years I’d hear about how he was on and off his meds, in and out of mental facilities, moving back and forth between States.
Always searching for peace but never finding it.
The day I heard the news I began a 16-hour drive to Florida to play shows with my band. At our stop in Orlando I had lunch with the man who gave me my first job in the US. After the meal, we both insisted on paying the check.
The waiter heard each of our sides — My former boss argued that I was visiting, and he wanted to treat me. I told the waiter how this man took me in when I first moved to the country, and how 15 years later I wanted to show my gratitude with a simple lunch.
“Can’t argue with that one,” the waiter said and grabbed my card.
I was overcome with gratitude for my friend, the opportunity he gave me many years ago, and for the hard times I went through back then. When I was subsisting on microwavable vegan chicken nuggets and Arizona iced teas while expected to send money home. A struggle I now look back on with pride and with a smile.
I thought about how my cousin never got to the other side of his struggles. I always suspected they would be too big for him to shoulder (how could anyone?), they weighed him down until he chose eternal rest.
How lucky are those of us whose demons and struggles have been surmountable. Life can grant us grace, but it doesn’t have to.
Rest in peace, cuz.
Here’s my week:
Miles driven: 2060
Shows played: 5
